Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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