Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
