You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize