I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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