I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
