I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
