He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
