OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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