Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize