New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bring me that man meat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
