my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
