Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
