I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
