When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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