ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
