Soap is not a condiment
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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