it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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