Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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