Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
