I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
