talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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