Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
from now on my penis is your penis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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