when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
