Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
