I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
