Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
