I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
