2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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