Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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