i don't like sucking hair
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
