I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't notice because vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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