wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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