the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize