I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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