youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
