i permit you to call me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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