Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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