His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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