You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My feet surprised me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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