Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
