You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
