Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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