Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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