it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
