Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize