In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
True college students do jello shots in the library
You left your phone here
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