I looked at my own cervix.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
