I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
