Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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