Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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