i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My dick has a subreddit
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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