oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
