I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
