Nicole vs. Life
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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