The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
