just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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