I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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