he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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