its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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