I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
