just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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