three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
