It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
