it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do herpes really smell.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
