DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
