So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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