I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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