Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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