Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
