it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
