my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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