chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
