i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
