after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
