so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
