just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
