Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
