So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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