Do vagina's smell?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
