whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
