I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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