I seem to have left my pride at pride
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
