I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
