I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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