If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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