you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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