guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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