Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
