Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
