Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't think brook has ever known best
this beer tastes like vomit already
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
