I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
