dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
