so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
