I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
