Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
